It took me a long time to get back to professional singing. As a small child my elderly neighbour with ‘psychic fortune telling’ powers heard me singing in the garden and told my parents that I was destined to be an opera singer. From that moment it became THE career for me, no question. I didn’t grow up persuading my parents to let me take drama and music instead of science and maths, I was lucky the arts were celebrated in my family. Still it came with its curses; the pressure was intense, my life was totally centred around music; the academic study, conservatoire training, vocal lessons, choirs, recitals, and practice practice practice.
I started worrying about every tiny detail of my performances. I was obsessed with singing ‘the right’ music the ‘right’ way, ticking all examiner grade boxes and grade. I’d go into each performance thinking ‘if this one isn’t perfect, I won’t keep singing’. It was crippling but at the same time I still loved it, I went on to a diploma, bachelors degree, masters -then suddenly I stopped. I moved abroad for a year and filled my life with other things.
Now I don’t believe ‘right’ and ‘correct’ exists in music. It is so subjective and examiners and teachers vastly differ in their judgements. In the end it’s up to you. It’s through accepting mistakes, experimenting with different styles and genres that I’ve found my way back. Singing is the only thing that really meant anything to me, and my obsession with correctness nearly took it from me. I have a beautiful partner who has no idea about classical music, she loves my voice whatever repertoire I sing, whatever style I choose. I tell myself that’s enough for me.